19th December 2009

Ok, so there was one person I got close to.  My one and only serious romantic relationship started during my second year at college.  He was a photographer, and of course he did all the pursuing, I wasn’t interested at first, but then I found I liked the idea of being both an artist and a photographic muse, I wanted to be Lee Miller to his Man Ray.  And yes I liked him, we had fun. But in the end I felt the same way I always did when I tried to be normal (whatever that is), like I was playing a role in a dream of a life, but only by somehow sacrificing my real self.

Whenever we were together I was counting the seconds until I could be on my own again, and I knew that couldn’t be a good thing. Sometimes I couldn’t hide the fact and I hurt him deeply.  So in the end I got what I wanted, and I was alone again.

 

Next Entry2nd January 2010